Wednesday, September 28, 2011

To Whom it May Concern

Dear Sir or Madam,

First, let me say that all things considered my stay at your hospital has been very pleasant.  The nurses and staff are extremely nice and have made my time away from home less difficult than expected.  My room is clean and quite spacious.  And the crushed ice is to die for (we're not going to talk about the food in today's letter).

I do, however, have a few tiny suggestions that would push you from 4 stars to 5.  Don't you want to be the best hospital in Memphis, hands down? 

1.  Make your "guests" think they are at an above average hotel.  4 star, like Westin or W.

Instead of the traditional hospital beige and pastel floral decor, how about a simple gray and taupe solid theme?  I've done the research it would be SO EASY. 

Here is the room as is.  Not bad for a hospital.  Not bad at all. 
Now here is a standard W room.  See the difference?  Just paint and put up some new curtains, and voila!
And, that whole Westin Heavenly Bed/Towels thing goes a long way.  Just put a sign on the bed and tell me its heavenly.  I'll probably fall for it.

Make me think I'm on vacation!  It is all about perception and making people think they are somewhere nicer than they are.  Then, when the financial department calls me, I may be super happy to pay the bill.  Maybe.

2.  Give your guests a daily agenda on a screen in the room and have it update constantly as it changes throughout the day.  Like the screens in an airport - are things on time, delayed, or cancelled?  Is there an ETA?  Your control freak guests will be MUCH happier.  They like to know what they are doing and when.   Trust me. 

For example -  here is what a day *should* look like as best I can tell. 
The problem is, a lot doesn't happen when it should.  Sometimes things are delayed for hours.  Totally  understandable - I'm not the only patient, there are emergencies, etc.  Seems like no big deal but my brain REALLY likes a schedule.  If you had a cool system where all of the data was completely tied together, the screen in my room would update and tell me to expect a delay.  THEN it could look something like this:
I'm dead serious about this.  I think I'm on to something.   

3. Get E! and Bravo channels.  Please.  I need junk TV occasionally.

4. Have a pet visitation day.  Don't you want these two cuties running around?
Sure you would never get rid of the dog hair, but it would be totally worth it.

Just a few small things that would make your guests even happier.

Kind regards,


  1. LOvE this!! One of your best ones yet! I'm so glad to hear you are making the best of everything; hope everything is going smoothly too.

  2. Oh your puppers! I bet they miss you too! Hope
    You are faring ok! I keep
    Thinking about you! Let me know
    If you need anything!

  3. HA! I'll give you a shout out as I fly through this weekend! If you're at Baptist, my aunt is Mickey Forte and she's a lactation consultant there. Tell her you know me, maybe she'll give you a free boob consultation.

  4. I said I would follow your blog, and then I didn't. But now I am. This is fabulous. And I hope you, Jack and your babies are the same.

  5. Sage, I've laughed so hard I have tears in my eyes. You are a SCREAM! Loved the schedule charts. Gerald and I are MEGA happy that things are going well. Get some rest, sweet girl. Love, Beth