Monday, July 9, 2012

New Job Opening!

Job Title:  
Email Inbox Cleaner for a Self Confessed Hoarder

- Read at a 3rd Grade Level
- Basic acting skills

- Bring a couch to my office (a nap mat will do)
- Bring some coffee and wine (I will rotate)
- Bring me a cute little bell to ring
- Make a comfortable spot for me to lay down. 
- Read the subject line of each email in my inbox.  I will give you a thumbs up (keep), thumbs down (delete), or I will ring a bell for more information (FYI- the bell doubles as a call for more coffee and/or wine, which is two rings.  Listen carefully).
- If the bell rings once, read the actual full email chain.  Please use different voices for each person, hand gestures as needed, adjust your voice based on the text style (YELLING, fading off...., etc.), and make facial expressions based on emoticons.  Perhaps I will have you come lurk in the office for a few days prior so you can get down the personality styles.
- At some point during or at the end of your performance I will ring the bell again followed by a thumbs up or thumbs down. 
- Once we have narrowed the inbox down to only the thumbs ups, you will read through the subject lines again and I will direct each email to a folder.
- If I cannot clearly articulate a folder within 30 seconds, delete the email.  No questions asked.  I may beg you to keep it but DO NOT GIVE IN.
- While we are at it bring in some cool new music for me to get to know so I can at least pretend I don't listen to Barney and Praise Baby all the time.

None but what a wonderful experience, right?

If this works well for my somewhat-in-control work email inbox, then we will move my totally-out-of-control personal inboxes. Although you will really have to brush up on your acting skills to read the emails from some of my family (specifically you, Bubba Grump) and friends (I'm looking at you, Leslie.  PS, update your blog).

*** other people consider this a function of a Personal Assistant?  Don't tell that to the person who gets the unpaid position of Email Inbox Cleaner for a Self Confessed Hoarder.


  1. I would do it... And could prob do grump pretty well... Carolyn

  2. hahaha Sage that is too funny. Love the pics of the babies and I love your blog! Don't know how you do it.

  3. Hilarious Sage! I'm totally with you - I have 6,915 unread emails in my gmail inbox, and I can't bring myself to just start over. Sad. :)