Although I was warned about this, I think the most interesting thing about being pregnant with triplets is the crap people say to you. I was not prepared. I realize I should get used to it because it will never end. I’m not talking about normal conversations with friends; I’m talking about people on the street. People I really don’t know. These abnormal reactions are only about 10% of the time….the other 90% is full of joy, encouragement, and excitement. So, I'm not talking about you. I promise. Unless you are the lady from target the other day, then I am talking about you.
In order to entertain myself I have decided to categorize each abnormal response into one of five of my favorite fictional characters. This is a coping mechanism I may use for the rest of my life.
Meet: Monica, Sue, Debbie, Samantha, and Nancy.
Monica: the anxiety ridden question asker. After a brief moment of excitement, Monica immediately starts to process and internalize the thought of having triplets. Then the questions begin:
“How are you going to handle this? Are you prepared? Do you know what you are doing?”
“Can you imagine having to give three kids baths? Put three kids to sleep? Feed three kids? How will they ever sleep at the same time? You know you are going to have to figure that out, right?”
“Have you thought about where they will go to school?” “Will they have different friends?”
Nope. Haven’t thought about any of this. Good thing I talked to you!
Sue: characterized by Kristen Wiig on SNL. Sue’s M.O. is unfiltered, unabashed, over the top enthusiasm.
“Ohhhh myyyyyy G-oo-o-oo-d!!!!!” ….followed by busting through a window of some sorts.
You get the picture. Sue simply cannot contain herself. She means the best and is really quite entertaining. My only complaint is that she makes me feel a little guilty for my lack of public elation.
Debbie: Downer that is, and that label is putting it lightly. Debbie is convinced something horribly tragic is going to happen. But rather than keep those thoughts in her head like the rest of you, she shares.
“Oh wow. I had a friend that was pregnant with triplets once. But they all died.”
“You know there are lots of complications. You will probably be in the hospital. You know if the babies make it they will be in the hospital as well.”
Debbie immediately muffles any excitement I might express by her immediate look of disapproval before launching into my impending dark future.
Samantha: she is convinced my life is now over and I will never, ever have fun again.
“Ohhhhh. Wow. That makes me want to throw up.”
That pretty much sums it up. In Samantha’s eyes, this is the worst thing that could happen to a person. I guess she doesn’t know that I already have no life, so this really doesn’t change my status all that much.
Nancy Drew: the inquisitive mind. She MUST immediately get to the bottom of how this situation occurred. No other conversation can take place until The Mystery of Sage’s Fertility is solved.
“Did you do drugs? Fertility drugs?”
Don’t waste any time, Nancy. And don’t worry about having this conversation privately – feel free to do it in front of co-workers, strangers, grocery store clerks.
I totally appreciate Nancy’s quest for the truth. And it is a fair question. One I don’t mind answering, but it is just a little awkward when this is our first conversation EVER. A simple “yes” doesn’t quite sum it up. I’m not sure how you tell a stranger on the street that this is a result of years of a difficult roller coaster.y. Or that when waiting for the result of another round of IVF we faced the fear and despair that we were nearing the end of the road….only to find out we were finally pregnant, then to find out weeks later we were blessed with twins, then to find out a week later God had added a special bonus by splitting one of those miracle embryos. So…YES, Nancy, I did drugs. I guess I should leave it at that.